Obviously this is not my top priority...:-)

Seeing as how it has been four months since I last wrote anything and the littlest kids are all asleep.....I thought I would at least let you know that I am still living.

The last four months have been very full but a real blessing to me. Alicia moved home a week after my last post and we started planning a wedding. Having her home and having the opportunity to plan her day with her was a gift. The planning went well and she is now married and living in Calgary as Mrs Hutchings.(I well remember how much I enjoyed using "Mrs Mosher" when I was just married ) She and Thomas have a darling little place that she has done an excellent job of making homey and cute.

Also in the last four months Jared has been involved in a relationship with a special young woman named Breanne Funston and they are now engaged...to be married on September 20 of this year...Life doesn't slow down...Although it is not easy to have them all leaving I am proud of each one and the choices they are making and the fact that they are all choosing to pursue God and His best for them as they do spread their wings and fly. This being a mother is a very varied job....you pour yourself into them and remind yourself that they are meant to go, you pray, you challenge, you learn, you pray some more, you wince as they stumble, you cry when they fall, you rejoice as they run and as they really let God take control. I love it...life is so full of challenges and yet so fulfilling as you let God be in charge of the bigger picture and rest knowing He knows each of their hearts and needs so much better than I do, I just need to be a tool in His hand.

I have been reading a book that is actually Josiah's..but I needed some reading material... It is called "Do Hard Things" by Josh Harris' younger twin brothers. It is quite good and one I would recommend to any  young person over twelve. It is challenging to ask yourself, "Am I willing to do whatever God puts before me or do I continue to make excuses for myself?" It also is a good reminder of how much God can do through a young person who is submitted to Him. It really catches the essence of what I want for my kids...that they choose to make the hard choices and grow up in Christ, not spend their youth playing games and wasting time. I know....sometimes I am too serious, but I think their is so much more joy in living life with serious purpose, rather than always looking to be entertained or have "fun". Anyway...I will get off of my band wagon.. Must go

Is God First?

As I endeavor to raise my family I so often hear myself asking my children "Is God first in your life?" It is to me the most important thing my children could settle. In my estimation, if you are willing to obey God whatever the cost and you are open to hearing the input of those God has placed in your life, you are ready to face whatever may come your way. Life is not easy and there are many things that come across our path that if we aren't settled in our commitment to serve God -come what may, we will end up shaking our fist in God's face and asking Him,"Where were you when I needed you?" Or we will just decide to plough ahead on our own, screwing down the old willpower screw and make the best of our lives. The trouble is we will miss out on the inner joy, contentment and purpose that God has planned for us and life will become dull, colorless and heavy. Just recently, God asked me that question in the depths of my heart. I must admit I was a little shocked to see how much I had decided to just keep pushing instead of truly surrendering to Him and His plan. I want so much to be a great mom and to be "everything" my kids need me to be and I am afraid that I let that get on the throne instead of allowing God to stay there and trust Him with the hearts and wills of my children. No...I haven't been shaking my fist at God but I have been asking Him- "WHY???You are all powerful aren't you?" Not being a true navel gazer I don't get DOWN but I do tend to find life heavy...drab...and I am afraid it shows to those I most want to love and serve and I end up giving a mixed message. Thankfully God never gives up on us and He keeps drawing us on to Himself. Letting go and letting Him have His rightful place on the throne of my heart was a very freeing thing and has righted my sense of confidence in God's goodness and my joy in the day to days of being a mom. I no longer have to carry the weight of making sure they all surrender to God in my time...He is a much better "hound" than I could ever be- seeing as how He knows their thoughts and the workings of their hearts.

Anyway...Benjamin continues to grow and bring joy to all of us..he is a busy guy and I look forward to the time when he and Justin can run around together..they already enjoy each other so much. Justin just has to be reminded that Benji is still little and he is a rather heavy big brother... so sitting on him is a little much yet. I haven't figured out how to put up pictures yet so you will have to look at Ariana's site for the pics of these two very special little guys. Anyway...time for some much needed rest and Benji has been asleep for half an hour already...

As you have all realized already- Benjamin finally did arrive! J  He didn’t arrive the way I thought he should, once again, I had to let God do things His way. I’m sure some of you will think that I should have let him come naturally, not had him induced but my understanding of being under authority meant letting others have a part in that decision and going ahead with the induction. He was by far my most challenging delivery and I had moments of asking God why at 45 did He have to make things so difficult THIS time. A verse that He brought to mind was that of Paul saying about the church at Ephesus that he labored again for them til Christ be formed in them. It made me realize that giving birth is not the only time we labor for our children and some require more labor than others to see them really walking with God in the way God has for them. Also, the joy we experience when that child is born is the same only greater when we know that child is walking with God and desires all God has for him.

 I don’t think I have had many times in my life where I have felt abandoned by God, but I have had many times of wondering why He isn’t answering my prayers now or why he is doing it the way He is…in short, wondering why God does things His way and not mine. When I look back on my life I am very grateful that it is God, not me that makes the final decisions. That He is able to bring order and good out of the poor decisions that I make if I will but trust Him and let Him.

I read this excerpt shortly before I had Benjamin and was challenged once again to let God be God and to keep striving to know Him more, not try and fit Him into my little finite box. I thought this was well put and very thought provoking…. I definitely agree with Joseph- God is good and trustworthy, and it is true, that confidence comes with life, and looking back to realize that He has brought order out of chaos, joy out of sorrow, purpose out of defeat...it comes with wrestling with God in our hearts and allowing Him to grow our understanding of who He is...

"...Despite the contradiction between his life experience and what he thought he knew about God, Joseph ultimately affirmed that God is good and trustworthy. How did he arrive at this? I would suggest that as Joseph (like his father, Jacob) wrestled with God, God gave him a new perspective and a deeper understanding of his love for him. But that new perspective is not lightly gained. Noted author and pastor Craig Barnes poignantly describes the emergence of new perspectives as the very process of conversion:

"The deep fear behind every loss is that we have been abandoned by the God who should have saved us. The transforming moment in Christian conversion comes when we realize that even God has left us. We then discover it was not God, but our image of God that abandoned us.... Only then is change possible."

Indeed, Joseph reveals his new perspective to his brothers who betrayed him; "As for you, you meant evil against me but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive" (Genesis 50:20). This is no biblical cliche. Joseph did witness God's intervention and love. But not in the way he expected. God has not promised to make our lives go as we plan. Instead, God promises to give us the necessary new perspective to see his goodness and grace in the midst of our abandoned expectations.

I had expected to get this up shortly after Benjamin was born but just haven't had time...he is a very precious little man,full of smiles and quite content. Once again, a small child brings joy to our home and makes us thankful for new life.

Trust-an ongoing growth

At long last I have time and thoughts to update....here I am at the end of my 14th pregnancy and once again marvelling at how much God teaches me through the experience. I can't make this baby come, choose it's size or gender, decide whether it will be one or two...I have to trust that God will do what is best for me and so many others in His time and His way.

I have told my children for years that trusting God is an ongoing learning experience. It's easy to feel like it is so hard to trust God for the His timing and His choice for a spouse for ourselves and that a little help from us is really quite necessary....It is something that we can actually get our hands on and can sometimes really mess up. I have often reminded them that that is just the beginning,  if we can't trust God with this then it will be much more difficult to be at peace when the difficult times come.It is then we can choose to be at rest in God's faithfulness, or fret and try to intervene in what God is doing.

 When it comes to waiting for a child to be born  I can't really intervene but I can fret and make everyone elses life around me more miserable. When it comes to watching your children make choices you know will hurt them you also have to trust that God holds them in His hand and loves them more than you can even imagine. It really has nothing to do with feelings, it has to do with what I do when faced with the choice to do things my way or God's. It is at times like this when I am waiting on God's timing that I need to look back and remember God's faithfulness over the last many years....He alone is faithful, even when I don't understand all the whys, even when I think I know what is best, if I wait for His timing and His work, it is always best.

Good friends of ours, the Fehr's, sing a song on their latest CD called- In the Shadow of Your Wings. The words are powerful...I want to know You know what is best...Choosing to trust-no matter what.

Not a sparrow can fall from the heavens
if you won't allow it to be
No man can fall from Your favor
If a man put his trust in the One he can't see
Oh I want to fly like a sparrow
Who fears not the days yet to come
 And sings in the shadow of Your wings

A sparrow won't try to deserve You
He'll trust You to feed him again
No man can gain your approval
 But by faith in the One who washed my sins
Oh I want to fly like a sparrow
Who fears not the wrath from your hand
He sings in the shadow of your wings

chorus

I want to walk in the shadow of your wings
I want to know you know what is best
And when troubles come I'll be singing still
Let me rest in the shadow of Your wings

I've never done anything like this before- so thought I would give it a try-I guess anyone who reads it gets to see a little bit of who I am- kinda surface though. I took it off of Ariana's site

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My middle name is the end of my mom's name-Carolyn

2. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD? No, the oldest of three

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?   unless I'm in a hurry

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT.    Chicken  

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?  yes, 14

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
  yes I would

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?  no

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?  Yes

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?   definitely not, I don't like to take risks with my life

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL?   Fortified Oat Flakes-  but they don't make them anymore

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?  rarely